4

I don't make friends a lot. Literally. 

I socialize with people, I joined them once in a while for some rare occasions and I usually don't give any early confirmation for any invitation. Don't get me wrong. I am far than being a person who has no friend at all. I have. In fact, I have so much. But here's the thing. I'm not much of a group person, which I think is a new syndrome of mine since I used to be with a bunch of friends all the time. 

The group started small at first. There were just the five of us back then. Semester after semester, the number boosted to the figure that I don't really know the exact one. But as the time goes by, the number shrunk and everybody got separated from each other. Some chose to clicked with other people while some just disappeared. Sometimes, it seems like the group has been parted into two. 

Things got worse when there're so many misunderstanding among us and the worst were, the fights and the stupid love hate issue. At some point, I just chose to not care anymore. I started hanging out with other people and be close to them which I think is good. But who knew, separation is kind of a thing for me I guess. 

That's why now, I chose to not care too much even though my heart beg to differ. I wanted to be part of something, but every time I did, someone will be leaving. Or some will be fighting. Or some will be missing. Now, I can only hold on to a few that are still here and wishing that they won't leave too. 

So please, don't you tell me that I don't hang much with you guys. Don't say that I always ignored your invitation and spent most of my time with my private person.

Because at least, he's there.

And, when you said that, it hurts.

Btw, to one particular girl, do not take this to heart. This is not about you. Not at all.